why should i continue writing in here?
cuz this is the only place that makes me write?
cuz my only passion in life seems to be dying down n i need to hang on to it n start fuelling it before it goes 'poof!'?
cuz if not for this, i would become the kind of housewife i always feared of becoming?

this is crazy shit, okay! 4 months ago i had no clue about what will happen after grad n i had no problem with it. post commitment, and having certainity about life has created a horrible, horrible environment in me. there is no point of me saying that i'm not ready for this, cuz in here, my language is often chosen to be heard as foreign. no one listens. people ask what the problem is, but they want to hear 'i'm fine'. why bother, then?
i am quiet cz i get to see u smile that way.

i don't want to be okay with everything. but i am. im losing the person i am. n i'm not gona lie, saying mushy things that i'd do anything for u, all that and more. truth is, it hurts alot to leave behind everything. having to change the way i walk to my choice of friends, to choosing to have friends.

AND.I.FRGIN.DO.NOT.UNDERSTAND.WHY.I.ABIDE.BY.ALL.THE.CRAP